Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth appeared to acknowledge that the Pentagon has developed plans to take over Greenland and Panama by force if necessary but refused to answer repeated questions at a hotly combative congressional hearing Thursday about his use of Signal chats to discuss military operations.
Democratic members of the House Armed Services Committee repeatedly got into heated exchanges with Hegseth, with some of the toughest lines of questioning coming from military veterans as many demanded yes or no answers and he tried to avoid direct responses about his actions as Pentagon chief.
In one back-and-forth, Hegseth did provide an eyebrow-raising answer. Rep. Adam Smith, D-Wash., asked whether the Pentagon has developed plans to take Greenland or Panama by force if necessary.
These people are too stupid and incompetent to realize we already have plans for everything.
Hegseth: You there! Jackson! I want plans on how to invade Greenland on my desk by the end of the week!
Johnson: [Looks at filing cabinet full of plans for invading every other country] Oh, yeah, sure thing, sir. Gonna be a few all-nighters, though. Me and the boys are gonna need some pizzas and a few bottles of Mountain Dew and some cinnamon dipperz.
Hegseth: No problem! Just take it out of the Preventing Kids From Being Thrown Into The Orphan Crushing Machine fund! You’re a good man Jackson!
Johnson: Sir, yes sir.
Hegseth: [takes enormous swig out of family-sized plastic bottle of bourbon]
Johnson’s a real straight shooter. He’s got upper management written all over him.
Frankly, good planning is the key to success at just about anything in life. The concept of having plans is not evil at all. And certainlynot in a military sense. What if Greenland got taken over by vampires? You don’t know. In that event, it would be good to have this plan on the books. Probably in no other circumstance besides that one but hey, there’s not anything wrong with having a plan.