masking isn’t something that I can “stop” doing, it generalized and became permanent at age 12.

I have been quite fairly described by more than one shrink as having blunted affect, which describes my level of displayed emotion, not how strongly I feel it.

so, I can only “unmask” to some degree around … well, he’s dead. so nobody.

any thought on a Signal group?

every month, I need to fill the same prescriptions I’ve had for between 10 and 20 years.

every month, one or more persons whose job it is to get those pills into my hands without interruption, fucks it up.

as a result, the stash of critical medication which I jealously hoard as a hedge against this exact problem (as well as natural disasters, etc) grows smaller. I now have about 7 days remaining. I will rapidly become sick and then completely nonfunctional if I miss my meds for even a day.

it’s now crystal clear that the American health care system is not designed to help me with this problem, and that it has no intention of ever doing so.

oh, you also got the “can never, ever, ever ‘tune out’ any type of speech sound” autism? it’s currently destroying my life and has been doing so for nearly a decade btw 🥲

Industry also causes air pollution and plenty of it. It’s more visually segregated in developed countries. But as an example, have you ever explored the Pakistani factory video genre on Youtube?

I also know not everybody will be fine and be able to cope better if left alone. I will, but it was a long damn journey to get to where I’m able to say that with confidence. If you’re somebody who needs to be alone but won’t be fine if you are, I see you too.

This should probably be my job description, but life got in the way before I speciated from generic backend software engineer. I’m doing something analogous, in that I’ve been putting together a ‘stack’ on top of Proxmox and super portable hardware so that I can self-host nearly everything I need on my own hardware while not having a permanent place to live.

webshit

anybody need a Wordpress site built, rehabbed, or tilled & weeded? help a homeslice not be homeless

Sony’s current cheap models are a lot better than the XM3s. I know that pressure sensation, I’d given up on all noise canceling headphones because I hate it, but tried a pair of (cheap!) Sony WH-CH720N and that sensation is 98% reduced, it only appears a little if there’s a ton of bass noise in the environment. But even then, it’s not nearly as bad as most other (older) NC headphones I’ve tried.

Aka “musicians earplugs” … which can be premade, or if you actually want the best fidelity, custom molded to fit your actual ear canal! Had a gf who was a post-punk musician once, she absolutely swore by her custom pair.

Hi, I would recommend the Sony WH-CH720N as punching way above their weight for a $100 pair.

I am someone who didn’t like noise canceling headphones which I tried before, since older models all seemed to cause a sensation of “pressure” on my eardrums which felt like having dead meat behind saran wrap smushed up against them. The Sony WH-CH720N have about 98% removed that sensation, which means I can actually wear them for more than 10 minutes.

The noise canceling feature isn’t perfect - you can of course still hear some noise - but it’s about as good as the Bose Quiet Comfort 3 pair which cost a LOT more than the Sony.

They feel the same about me when I decline the opportunity to get shitfaced drunk and banter over 17 games of “Mexican train dominoes” for the 59574th time.

The only person I have to babble at has level 2 autism and can only process a finite (and very small) number of words per day before she combusts 😭

when self-hating people who’ve learned a little about genetics and evolution pipe up with “why are we even still in the gene pool” sadposts … this is why. overall, this style of thinking is a net positive to the proliferation of Homo sapiens, and every now and then even a net positive to the people who embody it.

RIP Elijah McClain

pls enjoy a recent research paper: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32538895/

try 25 virtual desktops running 2 browsers, one of which with multiple profiles for various broad topics … my “main” session alone has 75-80 windows at present 😃

edit: installed an extension to find out: in main session, 378 tabs across 84 windows. seems like a low number of tabs per window perhaps, but I organize topics into a window, then related topic-windows into a dedicated browser profile session if they’re long-lived, and windows/sessions are grouped into virtual desktop by top-level topic more or less … so my fediverse/threadiverse session has 35 tabs in 7 windows in only 1 virtual desktop.

edit 2: I theme each browser profile differently to (mostly) tell them apart by eye

This is because most therapists (in my loooooong experience) have absolutely zero understanding of executive dysfunction :|

Not the guy you’re responding to but I made a comment upthread that I found success by developing interlocking habits, or in some cases it’s fair to say rituals rather than habits … little sub-habits that guide you to the main one you want to develop, or briefly reward you when you’ve completed it. Items or processes in your environment which cue you and remind you that the habits you want to do even exist.

For example, 2 sub-components of what finally got me to remember to meditate (or skip, but intentionally 😒) were writing a brief journal entry of my observations after each sit with a piece of chocolate, and having a couple little succulents with a light on a timer by my altar, so that every time I’m in the room during the day the altar area, with a couple plants I need to keep an eye on for their health, is lit up to draw me in if I’m ready.

Doing things this way is very intentional and thus exhausting, and it requires a lot of trial and error to figure out the little sub-habits that all work together and that actually work for you (since some inevitably won’t), and hell as somebody explaining it I’ve only had a couple big successes with it because I often don’t have the energy/brainpower to figure all this out … but man when I can pull it off, it works sooo well.

I’m a huge believer in “prosthetic environments” which I believe is a concept Dr. Russell Barkley came up with, he annoys me a little but as an ADHD research he’s like 85% dead on target about this stuff, and thinks deeply about it.

Good luck!

I’ve been trying to develop this habit for 7 years because I know how good it is for me :(