I will be the first person to tell you that I am not a snake person (it’s very much a me problem not them) but knowing that she was scared on the bus coming home from the vet breaks my heart. I’m sure she is a very sweet baby

That’ll go great with my gallon of PCP

Excuse me, this is clearly a tiger

Game on. I own a bag of wire nuts and I know how to use them.

This guy gets it. It’s fascinating being judged on what one puts on a hotdog by the dyed relish gang.

Return the slab…

“So we can still deport Venezuelan women. Got it.” -Trump probably

Lungs were a mistake

Do you want “Planet of the Rats?” Because that’s how you get “Planet of the Rats”

Did somebody say there’s a jizz mopping sim? Asking for a friend

Considering how much it costs me to live there why would I want to leave and not get my moneys worth?

Bing Crosby is that you?

Wait, you guys were buying books from Amazon?

Top tip: add in some powdered sugar. In addition to adding some sweetness, powdered sugar has cornstarch in it which will act as a thickener making for a more unctuous mouthfeel

Wait, you’re telling me that trump lacks a fundamental understanding of California’s hydrology and is just lying to get what he perceives as a political win? That doesn’t sound like him at all.

Do I need to say /s?

I’m also in for being best friends

I’m sorry, were you talking to me?

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“Pasta fasul I am a fool” -Pope Formosus probably