I used to teach high school, and I hosted an after-school guitar group with teachers and students. I gave up playing guitar for a long time due to personal issues, and I picked it up again in 2020 when a discord server had a “talent show.” I kept seeing this folded up paper in the bottom of my guitar case and assumed it was old song lyrics of mine, so I never bothered looking at it.

I recently got curious enough to look at it (yes, >3 years after first noticing it), and it was a letter from one of my former students wishing me farewell and saying the nicest things about me. They must have slipped it in there during one of the last jam sessions. I can’t believe how many years that was in there before I saw it. I wish I could be half the person described in the letter, but damn it made me smile.

My dog passed suddenly this past weekend. He was throwing up and had other stomach issues so I took him to the vet Thursday. He stayed overnight getting IV fluids and waiting on bloodwork. Friday morning I get word that he had acute renal failure and he basically couldn’t make it without a week at an ICU, to the tune of $1000/day and 25% chance of survival, after which he’d get maybe a bad 6-8mo before dying. Next morning we took him to the vet and that was it. It’s getting a little better everyday but I miss him so much.

I have decided to be a lot nicer on the internet as a result, at least. I think I’ve allowed the natural toxicity that emerges in online discussions to really seep into how I talk to people. I’ve been really trying to be aware of it and to be the person he knew I could be. He was the best. I loved him so, so much y’all.

I’m disheartened. As a Jordanian/Palestinian/American, it’s hard to live in a country where the government and the general populace openly and unabashedly wants you and your whole family to die. Seeing people justify the atrocities committed by the Israeli government and military is just disappointing more than anything.

I really do love America, and I don’t take for granted how lucky my family has been to even have the opportunity to migrate here (I know plenty of people who would do anything to live here!) But it hurts when America doesn’t love you back.

I am legally a woman now. There is no way to tell otherwise using social security infos etc.

I’ve been waiting to have my first blood test where my levels would be compared to those of women (you know for any actual relevancy in the comparison)

Yet the manager of the closest lab - whom I have known for years - deemed necessary to ask their IT to be able to override the civility and gender. And she felt forced for some reason to keep my birth sex even though it doesn’t appear anywhere.

What gets me the most is that she thought she was being benevolent when she was never asked to do that.

I regret accepting this situation and proceeding with the blood test. I should have gone elsewhere.

Talk about bad geopolitical takes. I had to endure a hell of a lot this last weekend at the (Canadian) Thanksgiving dinner table.

Better than last week in that I feel almost back to normal. Never had a chest infection before (that wasn’t Covid) but it was like being hit by a truck, wonder if having had Covid twice makes me more susceptible to these things now. Or maybe I’m just getting older.

I will know if I have a future at my work by the end of the week which is slightly nerve wracking. My job is safe but due to the restructure my salary is protected only until April, when it decreases by a fair bit. I am handing my notice in after Christmas if management don’t agree to keep my salary at the same level as I’ve worked too long and hard there to be treated like shit salary wise. Hoping it won’t come to that but we’ll see. Meeting management this week and making my case as it’s budget time.

I am also pretty upset about geopolitics. It feels like the majority have been conditioned to have such a strong bias and are incapable of any kind of introspection. If we all approached such topics with the willingness to learn from each other and hear different perspectives maybe things would be different. Unfortunately I can’t solve the world’s problems this week. Maybe next week?

Otherwise, I am dating, but meeting new people and assessing fit is a challenge.

My week is ok. We celebrated our 14th anniversary last weekend, which was nice. The kids got to stay with grandma and we had a whole weekend to go out and enjoy ourselves. I love my kids but it’s really nice to get away from being a parent once in a while and just enjoy an extended period of couple time.

General election day in Aotearoa. High chance of a right wing government that has made cutting my disability funding into one of its election promises.

With everything that’s happening in the world it feels stupid to even be upset about it, but I am.

Edit: and the result is in, we now have the most right-wing government we had in years, so worse poverty is on the cards now.

Am into my second week of regular gym workouts. Have also added in some extra workouts and am feeling a bit sore/stiff.

Bear in mind the last time I did serious exercise/gym time was when I was in the army - and I left that in 1997!

No weight loss showing yet.

I know it’s going to be hard work but at 66 years old and being far too heavy, I really need to put in some effort. Alcohol intake is right down and I’m almost vegan and usually eat healthy.

And I actually look forward to it!

I’m fine, very worried about my Israeli friends though. They’re a straight couple with kids and were already looking to emigrate because of the current government, but now that’s been kind of put on hold because the guy got drafted :( rest of the family left the country so I’m just praying they’ll be reunited. Not much else I can do I think.

The same scream I had last week is ongoing this week. My life is just screaming in powerless rage.

Group projects at university suck. There is exactly two of us in the team who are doing pretty much all the work. I’ve got one team member who does nothing, and another who half-does everything badly. I’ve given up asking him to redo the stuff he fucks up. It’s less time and effort to just fix it myself.

The children on the estate where I live suck. Constantly throwing rubbish in gardens, constantly throwing themselves in the path of moving vehicles. They found and destroyed an armchair last week. Fragments of its carcass are strewn around the area.

I want to live alone on an island. Preferably surrounded by fellow frogs.

Agreed about people shutting up! My week is been well I think!

chuck (foster dog) is recovering well from his rear left limb amputation. took him to the vet to get his stitches out, but they’re not quite healed, so we have another appointment next week. he was cleared for a bath, so we’re heading out to do that now!

i had my teeth cleaned today and remembered to bring my headphones. spent a majority of my appointment listening to an audiobook, which made the appointment both quicker and less stressful. 😀

The world is insane. A friend of mine died of cancer. And I’ve had some kind of flu/cold for a week.

On the bright side, I finished my Becky Chambers’ books, fixed the extruder on my 3D printer and made the last plum pie of the season. I so wish this was the kind of daily life all human beings enjoy.