I feel like you missed step one there, mate.
This is what “blind to privilege” means… LOL
I have had more than one. I am autistic with an anxiety disorder and ptsd and I had guys who aren’t those things always talk to me about girls like I am super pick up master just because inam decently looking and in shape. They way they talked about their experiences made me kinda not want any, too…
And no matter how much I tried to explain my situation when asking for advice they just gave sabotaging and extremely vague advice that doesn’t mean anything. I wasted away my 20s and a large part of my 30s because of shit like that.
The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Look for people who think similarly to you. I found it that I mesh well with other people who are on the spectrum, have adhd, etc. Ultimately nothing matters when you can’t approach someone, or go out of your way to find hobbies where you can find people with the same interests as you. So if you can’t get over that (or accept a rejection), it won’t work.
Also, don’t focus on a single person, especially someone who doesn’t return feelings / attention, or doesn’t have time for you at all. Even the busiest person will find a tiny bit of time to meet with you if they really like you. Obsessing over a single person for years isn’t the way to find love. Quoting a song by Tim Minchin, “your love is one in a million, but it doesn’t mean that the other 999 999 loves wouldn’t be equally nice”. If you find someone who returns your feelings, you mesh with well, hold on for dear life.
I have agoraphobia, enochlophobia, and like to stay home with my cat. Any suggestions?
Like what exactly?
Just saying ‘go online’ and nothing else for starters. I ‘went online’ in the mid-2000s and found nothing but PUA and early manosphere crap that was utterly stupid and did far more damage to me socially in the long term that I didn’t even begin to fix until more than 13 years after the fact. It didn’t bring any positive results either. But due to my circumstances I just really didn’t know any better.
Also when I did ‘go online’ or ‘to bars’ and I described some highly weird experiences that I knew weren’t normal they would twist the events so badly that it makes me wonder if they were the autistic ones and not me.
For example when I was 22 years old, I went to a bar and started talking to this woman. She was older than me and kinda vague, lied to me about her name, lied about her martial status (before taking everything back, but never telling me her real name). This was in Dubai I might add, so the social dynamic is a very different place than it would be in north america… and would also really come back to bite me later. The only shit I had to go by was offering her a drink at the start…
But here is a kicker… no one ever bought her a drink before. Apparently she literally did not watch any western media or ignored whatever was on screen. Because the whole concept of anyone walking up to anyone in a bar and buying them a drink was a legit alien experience to her.
Long story short… I saw her a second time a few weeks later at the same bar and she had some friends with her. She treated me like I was an ATM and basically thought that as long as she groped at me inappropriately (she even grabbed my head and shoved it against her breasts, forcibly I might add since I tried to resist) she could ask for meals and drinks and spending money for her and her friends (without the slightest hint of reciprocal sex). However she and friends were giddy and laughing while doing it.
I described the situation to them as I am here without mentioning the whole ‘this person never had a person buy her a drink’ but I DID add it later.
However this did nothing to convince them that they were trying to manipulate them, and they insisted that actually I should have gone for it and lost my virginity in a threesome with some MILFs that day. I am mildly exaggerating, but that was the gist of it.
BTW, just as an FYI, in many bars I went to in Dubai, they were lousy with sex workers. I did have plenty of girls touch me and act all giddy (but not ask for anything) and offer me ‘massages’ (which is a thinly veiled euphemism for sex in case it wasn’t obvious) for reasonable prices. The guys I was talking to weren’t in the middle east and just could not wrap their heads around my experiences being different from theirs.
Even with going online, they said nothing about where to go, how to make a good profile, what pictures to use or anything. Even trying to message people they insisted that you must never say anything other than ‘hi’ at first. This is even when they actually showed me what they did and had giant text walls that they sent detailing whatever was on her profile. I wasn’t able to replicate those, but their advice was just designed to make me waste my time.
Long story short. I am 41 now. Not a virgin, but dealing with a lot of bullshit. I dont care who I tell this to, but I am prepping to see a sexual therapist. I am practically writing my autobiography so I can just give it to them and bring them up to speed so I don’t waste tons of time and money just going on and on with the sessions. I need actual help and not just someone to talk to.
I’m sorry you had that experience. I had a similar, but different, experience. You keep referring to “they” who were giving you advice - who were these people and where did you meet them? It seems like this was a consistent group?
I eventually found some good advice, which boils down to:
-
Be honest. Be honest with people about who you are and what you are interested in. Some people might not like what you are offering. Some might even be offended. But this is all fine, as long as you are honest and respectful and talk to each woman with the assumption that the two of you are on the same team of figuring out if you are interested in each other.
-
Improve yourself. For most guys with dating issues, this includes things like going to therapy, building a healthy social life, being physically healthy, and generally being a happy person.
-
Talk to lots of women. People are different and want different things. In order to find the women who want what you have to offer, who are themselves offering what you want yourself, you need to talk to a lot of women.
Improving at these things is best accomplished from a place of a positive mindset, good mental health, and with a strong support system.
-
Frankly you sound like you have a great chance of moving past this, and it’s not weird to need some help or feedback from others, most of us do. It’s a shame the folks you found previously were such idiots, lots of people are really unqualified to give advice there. Keep pushing!
Let’s be honest. Henry doesn’t have to ask.
i mean people tend to like confidence, also you get to stop wallowing in ignorance. conventionally attractive or not, either they say yes or no and then you get to move forward from there. going from not knowing to knowing, that is a positive.
You should know when it is appropriate to ask and when not:
Don’ts:
- complete strangers
- people who cannot retreat, e.g. cashiers, waiters and the like, on a busy train/bus in an elevator etc.
- people clearly not in a space to socialize.
- asking for sex
- being ambigious about intentions
Do’s:
- people you held a normal conversation with before
- in a space where they are comfortable and either party can leave easily if things get awkward
- being clear about it being a date
- public place with individual privacy, e.g. going out for a coffee
- no alcohol or other drugs
Don’t forget the most important 2:
-
Be attractive
-
Don’t be unattractive
Important note: While bullet point 1 may be about physical attractiveness, bullet point 2 is not.
What is attractive and unattractive is always relative. I have seen fat girls with thin guys. And fat guys with thin girls. Many people who seemingly had a major disconnect in looks. But both found one another attractive.
For me I am quite OK with a chubby gal as much as a petite gal. But I am not attracted to either extreme. I knew an anorexic-like skinny girl and I found her far less attractive than even a very obese girl. The anorexic gal generated some concern for me because she was clearly starving, but couldn’t eat much. Not due to a fear of getting fat, but to a metabolic issue.
Most women in my experience find a clean well dressed man more attrattive that a hot sitnky styless mofo. Take care of yourself. Face card can decline gentleman privilege is real.
-
This. Also, don’t put them on the spot. If unsure, give your number and let them decide. If she’s interested, she’ll text, if not you haven’t forced her to make a decision on the spot.
Definitely. Looking like Henry Cavill makes it easier, but confidence is really the main attraction. I know less attractive men sleep with Victoria’s Secret-type women. And there is actually a study on men who are perpetually single, and the common denominator is being under-confident. But at the same time, you don’t want to be overconfident and thus arrogant.
oh totally. my wife is gorgeous, and she spent a bit too much time in our social circles single because everyone (myself included) was too intimidated to ask her out. we were friends for ages, she started giving me a hard time about having her number for like eight years but never asking her on a date, my ego wasn’t going to stand for that and here we are.
To be fair, it took her years to ask you to ask her. She could have just asked too.
My wife asked me out. Only time a woman has ever done that to me. Only time she had ever done it. I thought she was attractive but I honestly didn’t expect that. Knowing what I know about her now, it took a lot of courage for her to do that.
She shot her shot and hit a bullseye. There are no good reasons for women to spend all their time waiting on men to initiate.
this point has come up in the year since
yoyoyo
Sooooo… we’re doing incel shit posting now?
This sort of black pill doomerism seriously destroys your mental health. You don’t have to be a Chad to find a girlfriend friends, but thinking your not “conventionally attractive” enough to date is a self fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently we’re also going to mix it with deeply toxic envy of celebrities for seasoning.
Imagine how happy the world would be if people suddenly stopped wishing they were someone else and just realized that they only get one fucking chance to live life and every moment you spend wishing you were someone else is just a massive fucking disservice to yourself and people in your life.
I just thought it was funny personally.
Cathartic for those struggling or feeling insecure.
But somewhere along the way we broadly all stopped understanding the very nature of “catharsis” and just decided that anything that makes us feel a certain way MUST be some kind of fundamental truth and now will be our life direction.
It is, but they are also right.
There is such a thing as funny incel propaganda. And let’s not act like beauty doesn’t make the game easier, It’s mostly that incel think that’s the only factor because they tend to be very shallow themselves.
I just see Henry Cavill, I upvote.
You’re boring.
+1 for using “you’re” instead of what the chap above did
deleted by creator
So I recently found out my ex wife had a type. A type she desperately wanted me to fit into. A type that she would make me go to clothing stores for specific shirts that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill.
I did not look like Henry Cavill. Turns out around the time we divorce she goes through this phase swooning over Henry Cavill. Then she cheats on me with a dude I don’t know the name of (except I’ve unfortunately seen his dick) and low and behold he has this kind Henry Cavill build.
Fast forward several years to now. I lost about 100lbs. Started lifting. Getting swole cause it was fun now that my body was smaller. Ate more protein, added creatine. Drink lots of water. I need different shirts. I dig out some old shirts, the only ones that sort of fit well are the ones she got at clothing stores that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill. Turns out they still don’t look good on me, not because I’m not Henry Cavill, but I’m not a fuckboy.
That’s a lotta Henry Cavill in your life, are you sure you’re not Henry Cavill?
Very sure.
I harbor no ill will to the dude tho. He is not the reason my ex is the way she is.
I searched this text because I thought it might be copypasta. Great read lmao
I can’t even lie I thought the same
Feels like it sometimes NGL
Creatine doesn’t actually help build muscles by itself it just gives you more energy and the long term effects are unknown other than developing a dependency so idk maybe just stick to the literal overdose of caffeine in more traditional pre-workouts.
Or don’t, it’s probably fine. I’m sure the dudes sticking $10k in tren a week into their bodies to sell you the damn stuff wouldn’t lie.
That’s absolute nonsense. Your body produces a lot of creatine every day. Like, it’s what the majority of arginine in your diet goes to making. The science is a bit iffy on whether it helps you lifting. There are some quite convincing studies that it helps cognitive function in vegetarians. Vegetarians don’t get creatine in their diet, they have to make it themselves. If the diet is a bit poor in arginine as well then it makes sense that they are slightly deficient. If you get most of your protein from whey they you will also have a low creatine / arginine diet and a supplement makes sense.
Creatine works as an energy buffer in cells. There might only be a couple of seconds worth of energy in ATP but I seem to remember that creatine-P gives the cell up to a minute of energy. IIRC especially important in neurons because they don’t perform anaerobic production of energy from glucose.
And taking excess amounts fucks with your body’s internal regulatory systems and reduces its ability to produce it normally.
“That’s nonsense”
🤡
You’re talking about anabolic steroids, not creatine.
No, I’m not.
That’s what I thought too.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements-creatine/art-20347591
Plus the stuff is cheap. And its not a stimulant.
Creatine helps to retain water in muscles though?
The other word for that is bloating. I’m not sure why you’d want that normally, cells already regulate for their optimal water content by drinking enough water.
I could understand the logic of it for a marathon runner and such but studies have shown it has no notable benefit in races so if that is a benefit it’s washed out by other factors.
Also, by all accounts that effect either goes away after a couple weeks of use or progresses into an actual problem.
I don’t know where I saw it, and I can’t seem to find it again, but I remember one video where a girl uses Cavill as an example of what SOME women find attractive. He’s good-looking, yes, but what really got her was how he can talk about his interests with such passion. I’m obviously paraphrasing.
As someone with crippling ADHD, if impassioned talking about my interests is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Problem is, the same girl who finds it attractive will find it annoying in a week or two, and all of a sudden that thing she liked makes me a jerk.
Problem is, the same girl who finds it attractive will find it annoying in a week or two, and all of a sudden that thing she liked makes me a jerk.
If you can only talk about one thing with any level of passion, yeah people are gonna get bored.
I think a lot of younger folk online really misconstrue what it means to “get hobbies” or “just put yourself out there” and other tired cliches.
It doesn’t mean having X hobby and just standing there around people is going to change how women look at you. It means you have to train your OWN brain to be more comfortable expressing yourself and finding new ways to feel about your situation or interests.
Basically, everyone whines endlessly how they wish they were someone else, but you can literally change who you are on a fundamental level by changing your environment enough and forcing yourself to feel new things. Brains just do that. But people resist the moment they feel something starting to change inside them and recoil as your ego tries to preserve itself. Then they make up reasons why they didn’t commit to change and why they can’t let go of their old-self.
Not too familiar with ADHD, are you?
Intimately familiar, that’s where this kind of knowledge of how brains works comes from, this is process that most people who don’t have ADHD go through naturally in the course of life, ADHD and ASD can make it so you end up stunted slightly and never develop the tools naturally for change and growth.
Yeah yeah well I’m sure I’ll grow out of it.
I don’t know what kind of care and support you’re getting, but if you have an ADHD diagnosis, I hope you’re aware that you still have agency and can still make major improvements to your life, it’s just harder than it is for others. Depending on the severity of the symptoms. You don’t just “grow out of it” normally, you DO have to make deliberate effort to improve the quality of your life if you want that, and that’s one of the major differences between having ADHD and people who don’t, the need to understand in greater detail how the brain works so you know how to manage it.
I’m being dismissive because it’s not likely I’m going to stop talking about my interests any time soon and really don’t care to, but thanks for the advice.
…yes? That’s what you have to do. Maybe she says no. Maybe she says yes. Doing nothing definitely won’t get you anywhere.
If she says no it doesn’t come without consequences. You can’t talk to her anymore without it being awkward, and if she’s part of a larger friend group you’re in the embarrassment is even worse.
If you’ve asked in a friendly way, without putting stress on her, and accepted the ‘no’ without making a fuss and in the same friendly way, it doesn’t tend to cause difficulty in my experience.
glad for you
If you accept rejection with dignity, it’s not that big a deal. Don’t be a creeper. It’s not that embarrassing. And if your friend group is cruel about it, that’s good to know. They’d be assholes in that case, and you probably want to find out they’re assholes in a low stakes situation.
You’re overthinking it. I know because I do the same. But realistically most women are quite relieved when you can take a kind “no” in stride because the bar is so low in this regard.
deleted by creator
That’s something to work on. You’re not immutable.
The issue is the “always works for me”, the same way an old white man is going to have a lot less trouble with the police or telling a handicapped person to just walk the stairs because it “always works for me”.
Why doesn’t she have to ask me out? That doesn’t seem very equitable.
Nobody has to ask anyone out, its not compulsory. Women do ask potential dates out, so do men. Its pretty irrelevant who the one doing the asking is - the point is not to put the onus on one gender but that if you - whoever you are - don’t ask, then you’ll never know.
She could ask you out. But if you just wait you’re giving up your initiative. Use your agency.
Exactly. I’m a dude and my SO all but asked me out (asked for my number and whatnot). At some point someone needs to take initiative, and the sooner that happens, the better it is for everyone, so it might as well be you, regardless of your gender.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Wayne GretzkyMichael Scott
I also made most of those shots I didn’t take
In my mind
I asked a girl out once…she said yes. But it was touch and go there for a while before I asked. And let me be clear, I do not look like this guy. Still solid advice tho.
Ok so yes looking like Henry Cavill helps but how do you expect to go on a date with someone you like without asking them out? An amulet of Mara?
Step 1. Be a young male with a terrible home life and only male friends, learn to communicate only through irony and sarcasm, preserve a culture of condemning or making fun of any genuine expressions of emotion or empathy from others because it’s “cringe.”
Step 2. Have ONE date in your teens in high-school with another teen who has no idea what she’s doing either, have it end badly as most teen relationships do.
Step 3. Use that experience to color your entire world-view for the rest of your life and start consuming manosphere content to relieve yourself of the discomfort of remembering how terrible that one romantic experience went. “It’s not you, it’s her!” should be echoing in your head every day.
Step 4. Really internalize other people’s ideas, thoughts and experiences as long as it validates what you’re feeling. Distance yourself from women even further, convince yourself they have nothing to offer you and are less-than-human so you have nothing you can learn from a “female.”
Step 5. Don’t forget to hate yourself most of all, wallow in your virginity like it’s your entire sense of self, think about sex constantly and hate yourself for it, develop a crushing porn habit that dulls your ability to feel pleasure from daily life. Self-medicate with games, escapism and drugs and alcohol. Ruminate on your depressive thoughts until you’ve picked your emotions raw like a scab that won’t heal.
Step 6. Make your disgust for women part of your entire identity, develop political views that also validate these feelings, avoid people in your life different from yourself lest they remind you that there are alternative perspectives in the world, only your own experiences and your own misery matters. Scowl in disgust when you see an attractive woman with a man, have dark, violent fantasies about having power, control, and bad things happening to people who aren’t you. Over-correct your sense of masculinity to an absurd degree, avoid the color pink, don’t touch your own ass in the shower, sneer in disgust at any attempt by others to reach you and talk about life or offer advice, they’re just NPC’s and are brainwashed by liberal media! None of this is real! We’re in The Matrix people!!
Step 7. A beautiful, submissive woman who fits all your ideals will now approach you and beg you to marry her. You will live happily ever after.
It works 100% of the time.
I thought you were supposed to sit there and blush every time they look at you (but avoid eye contact) and then (redacted) and you’re married
You must have asked a woman, ime that’s the “big hint” that I’m the idiot for missing. No if you’re a dude you have to pursue them but also not do that at all.
How would you define “pursue”? Because it sounds like a predatory tactic to me.
Me too, but I’m told “women don’t want to be the aggressor, they want to be pursued” and then there’s the ridiculous concept of “playing hard to get,” which I’m somehow supposed to be able to navigate.
Never fully understood any of it myself, so I can’t help much. Much easier to just not talk to people, especially as a neurodivergent.
There are no rules, there are no guarantees, there is only respect, that’s the only thing you need to bring to the table. Stop listening to antiquated sexist bullshit and just treat people like people, drop this incel bullshit, approach them the way you would feel comfortable being approached and get rid of any expectations, both for yourself and the other person. It’s really nowhere near as complicated as you’re trying to make it out to be.
Playing hard to get is a red flag, those people are fucked up and ego driven, don’t play games with people and don’t let people play games with you.
Tbf the “antiquated sexist bullshit” is told to me by women themselves, not irl Cotton Hill.
Just the other week a coworker was asking how to get (some guy I’ve never met) to ask her out, I said (as I always do) “Fuck it dude ask him yourself, it’s probable he misses the signals entirely or is worried about being creepy for misreading you just being nice,” to which she replied “no, women want to be pursued, I can’t ask him out.” And it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, (even replied “yeah I know, but it usually works”). Sooo idk, maybe it’s really just that they’re afraid of rejection but saying that doesn’t sound as cool as wanting to be “pursued,” or maybe it is just nice to feel wanted for everyone and this is just an extension of it, but it is what it is, whatever that is. I’m just believing what they tell me for lack of evidence to the contrary. She’s cool and usually honest though afaik, we’re friends and shit, so, idk.
I’m also told it’s creepy to approach people in public except at a bar, which I no longer frequent. Then I’m told “get a hobby” but also “women don’t want to be approached while they’re trying to play d&d (example hobby),” and I’m also told to go to the gym, but then told that women don’t want another guy being a creep trying to talk to them at they gym (plus it feels disingenuous pretending I work out just to meet women, I’m also plenty active and just in shapeish from that I guess.) It’s probably fine if you’re not diagnosed as “literally does not understand social cues” ADHD and something something executive function (I have the paperwork somewhere. Somewhere…) or if you don’t care if people think you’re creepy. But for me it’s too much to navigate it regularly.
To the playing hard to get people, you’re probably right, but I’ve never got close enough to find out, because if I even ask to begin with, at the first no I say “ok” and never ask again.
Fuck it, be a self defeatist, I’m done.
I mean, it is tempting to buy a replica Amulet of Mara and go to bars with it proudly on. Anyone that understood the meaning would possibly be within compatibility range.
I mentioned it because I’ve personally chatted up someone wearing one before, so it does totally work at certain nerdy conventions, as does carrying a Horga’hn.
Amulets of Mara should honestly be a thing for normal people that don’t want to use an app designed for shallow fucking.
shallow fucking
is that what the kids call “just the tip” nowadays?
Note that he says: “just ask her out”.
Don’t try to find out anything more about her. Don’t try to see if maybe she might be interested. Don’t do anything other than ask her out.
Now, sure, it’s going to be hard to get someone to go out with you unless at some point you ask them out. But, if you follow his advice you’re probably going to face a lot more rejection before you get a yes… unless you look like him.
Note that he says “if you like her”, not “if you think a stranger is hot”
This entirely speaks to a situation where you like someone, know their interests,etc, but you’re nervous about ruining the relationship you do have. AKA my entire high school experience lol
The thing is: If you ask her out (in real life, not through some shitty app) and you are not super creepy or awkward about it you already have an advantage above 90% of the dudes who write weird messages to her… it’s the date when you find out more about her
The problem isn’t the asking, its the always having them say yes.
Why would you need a 100% success rate? Meanwhile, not asking has something like a greater than 90% failure rate in the current western dating paradigm.
Just ask if she plays Warhammer bro
Haha blue fishmen go pewpewpew
Send me her number. Because she clearly knows Tau are the only good guys in Warhammer.
Only if you’re cool with psychic brainwashing and a pseudo hive mind.
According to the Imperium.
Come at me, space Umgi.
Exactly. Pseudo hive mind.
Also, shooting? Who the fuck has time for that? Guns are for show, chain swords are for pros.
I’ll stick with my face punching, pissed off, genocidal, flying, fascist space vampires, thank you very much. No brainwashing involved with them, no sir. Not one bit.
I’d bring up giant robot coffins, too, but crisis suits are fuckin’ rad, even if you can’t shove a dead wizard in there.
I personally enjoy the shoulder launched cruise missile that has a 6 foot range on the Broadside.
It might be pretty showy. And it might not create a gore fest Saw fans would be jealous of. And it might feel clunky.
Ok actually I don’t have anything I just like being artillery with legs
All of those things, like all of 40K, are great things.
I just like being fists/chainswords with jump packs and dead guy robots, I get it.
I also love melee deep strikes into artillery armies, chef’s kiss.
What if she says yes? She will think I’m some nerd who plays Warhammer. I’ll just embarrass myself by knowing nothing about Warhammer.
“awesome, I’ve always wanted to get into it but none of my friends wanted to. would you mind introducing me to the game sometime?”
just have a couple thousand dollars ready in case she says yes again.
The one who says yes will be really into you tho.
Do u know about leeeenux muhlady?
Tell the neckbeard that “M’Lady” is pronounced “Malady.” It’s hilarious, especially if it’s in front of the woman he was harassing.
Any woman who speaks to me must have a malady
lmao leeeenux
Must be nice to be super hot, very well known, and incredibly wealthy.
you know this isn’t a real quote, right?
… but yeah I’m sure it doesn’t hurt
I was about to ask who cares what some random dude says, but judging by the comments I’m the only one who isn’t familiar with him.
lol he’s the DCEU superman actor as well as for the Netflix The Witcher series, The Tudors, Man from UNCLE, Mission Impossible: Fallout.
I don’t think it’s relevant to this specific meme though. He’s just handsome as all hell.
Amy [Adams] said, “Whenever I looked into his eyes, I started giggling because he has this effect on you. I think most women feel the same way about Henry. He’s dreamy.”
Well, turns out I’m not gay afterall, because he does nothing for me.
Jesus this guy is picky
Yeah he’s handsome, but have you seen Mads Mikkelsen? Uggghhhhhh 🤤
I should get chin implants
chinplants? Chimplants?
[queue super hero intro]
Here comes the Crimson Chin!
Chimplantees
I should get Henry Cavill implants.
I should get Henry Cavill in me
Have you tried just asking him out?
Thanks bro
Fun fact, the Crimson Chin’s alter ego is Henry Cavill
UnexpectedMulaney
Just gotta follow rules 1 & 2
