I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
They were not “just born to be one”, it’s just the propaganda is so strong
We are all exposed to the same propaganda.
Paternity leave is a no brainer for families of all stripes. Both spouses should have time off to care for their children in the first year of their life, especially during the vulnerable first year before they are immunized against dangerous diseases. And I’m in a same sex relationship, so I’m definitely using it when we are ready to have kids, haha.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Edit: adding onto this, all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations. It’s insane that some women’s do, but men’s do not.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Heck yes. 12 weeks is nothing. The baby still needs a ton of help at this stage.
all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations
This is unfortunately one of those things that people care about greatly for a very short time when it affects them and then never more. It never really gets any traction.
Thankfully it never was much of an issue to me, even if I almost singlehandedly changed every single diaper due to my wife having a bad shoulder. I quickly learned to change a diaper everywhere. On the floor, in the car, busting into the ladies nursery rooms, just everywhere. I got so good at it, that I bet I could change a diaper faster and cleaner than a Formula One wheel even without a table.
Nobody ever complained. The only odd situation was when I busted into a nursing room full of muslim women where a young mother was breastfeeding. Her entourage gave me quite the looks and standing in my way shielding her, so I said “I need to change diaper”. The mother looked up and everyone was watching her for a reaction, but she smiled and said “It’s right over there” pointing me to the changing table. It was quite the stinker, so I apologized on my way out.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
And that is why paternity leave is really important for the father and baby.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
I love this perspective. I’ve definitely become inured to diaper changes and I try to get them done as fast as possible, but this is sweet and you’re right, it’s a moment for some low key play, eye contact and for them to know you’re taking good care of them. What a nice way of looking at cleaning up poop 😆
Most men are hard working and want to support their families
… which is exactly why you should take paternity leave and support your family, instead of abandoning them for 8 hours a day at work. I’d feel like a total asshole if I just took off and said, “Good luck with the baby, honey. I’m gonna go hang out with my friends at work.”
8 hours a day plus whatever the commute time is (times two)
Lunch isn’t included; 8-5 is 9 hours…
Fuuuuck that. There’s a reason it’s offered. You get once in your life to see your newborns like that. Fuck your coworkers, take the time.
And this is coming from someone who is child free and really doesn’t enjoy kids personally. Take the time, be with your family. Jobs come and go but your family is who matters. Start talking the other way. “I want to make sure I absorb this while I can, I can’t imagine missing these moments” and “this will only happen once or twice in my life, how could I miss that?”.
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The quote you’ve quoted is insane. My company gives full pay and same time as maternity leave. 15% pay is fucked. My partner and I are never having kids but I fully support that.
Oregon has this and it was amazing to take 12 weeks of paternity. We can also split it up, so I did part time for like 30 weeks. Kept us from needing to find childcare until she was almost 1.
Fuck your coworkers opinions. Even the 12 weeks I got is nothing compared to my Norwegian coworkers.
Congrats on the kid! You sound like you’ll be a much better dad than your coworkers.
That is an absolute no-brainer. Pay aside, take care of family.
That’s the whole purpose of the pay anyhow, money is just an odd totem that we allow to take care of our families.
Plus, you get to hang out with the little one for 3 months! Your wife loves you even better. It’s wins all the way down.
It sounds like your fellow wagies have been conditioned to shun anything that smells even a little “socialist”. Paternity leave not only smells like communism, but also wokeism by daring to suggest that the man of the house should maybe share the responsibility of taking care of their baby.
You are bravely doing the radical feminist work of daring to care for your wife who is likely going to have trouble with either holding her bladder (if she squeezed your new family member out through her pelvis) or with standing up and holding your baby (if she got a c-section). How do you feel knowing most of your coworkers wouldn’t do this for their wife?
I feel like I’m missing something.
No, they are lol. Wth is wrong with them?
That’s what I thought. It really felt like I was in the twilight zone going through those conversations.
I absolutely love that you’re doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.
My son’s a teenager now, but the three months I spent at home with him and my wife after his birth were some of the most incredibly enlightening, rewarding and exhausting days of my life. I’d encourage every parent to spend as much time with their newborn as possible — if not for yourself and for your child, then for your spouse. All three of you will be learning a whole new way of life, and it’s great that you’ll be able to experience and shape it together.
Men who brag how little time they spend with their kids shouldn’t be having kids.
Americans are weird.
Honestly the time with your partner and kid is precious irreplaceable.
Anyone who’s weird about it is insecure about their own paternal involvement.
My company offers parental leave (generic, not gender-specific, and applies to adoptions as well as giving birth). Everyone I work with expects people—men included—to take it.
A guy on my team took his a couple years ago and now with his second child recently born, he is applying his lesson learned. Instead of taking the time as soon as his kid is born, overlapping time off with his wife, he’s letting his wife take her full time then he’s taking his. That way they stagger the full-time care of the newborn for about 6 months straight, after which his wife will be done teaching for the summer, meaning more like 8 months straight.
Another coworker (Director level) had his latest kid December before last. Our busy time is January to April, so he delayed and took his time off in May or June.
Fuck companies that don’t support it and the small-minded people who think men shouldn’t take it. I can understand how challenging it can be for a small business to support that kind of leave, but as humans we should care more about supporting the next generation than a couple hits to productivity at work for 2-3 months. (I write as a permanently child-free person.)
What you’re missing is that the people you work with are stuck in the mindset from 2 generations ago. Don’t buy in. Taking your leave IS supporting your family; you’re doing it right.
