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@RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish • 9 months ago

Trump Pledges To Use Obscure 18th-Century Law To Marry Daughter

theonion.com

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Trump Pledges To Use Obscure 18th-Century Law To Marry Daughter

theonion.com

@RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish • 9 months ago
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PALM BEACH, FL—Outlining his ambitious plans for a potential second presidential term, Republican candidate Donald Trump reportedly made a pledge Thursday to use an obscure 18th-century law to marry his daughter. “We’re moving full steam ahead with ‘Operation Ivanka,’” said Trump, who credited his policy advisors with working around-the-clock for months to discover the loophole […]
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  • @Linktank@lemmy.today
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    76•9 months ago

    Wow, this onion went down way too easily. I was fully ready to believe it.

    • @Zikeji@programming.dev
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      27•9 months ago

      This is the first time I actually did a double take at an onion article lol. It got me good too.

    • @aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      2•9 months ago

      Sometimes we eat the onion long before it arrives.

  • @InverseParallax@lemmy.world
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    72•
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    9 months ago

    Terrible attempt at satire, completely unbelievable.

    Why would Trump ever worry about the law?

    • @Serinus@lemmy.world
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      4•9 months ago

      He can’t order anyone to force her until he’s crowned by the Supreme Court.

      Then he’ll make it an Official Act.

  • @fizzyvelcro@lemmy.world
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    36•9 months ago

    Does she know? :o

    • @pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online
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      25•9 months ago

      It’s an 18th century law. Her knowing is irrelevant to him.

    • @InverseParallax@lemmy.world
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      2•9 months ago

      Shh, don’t spoil the surprise!

    • @acockworkorange@mander.xyz
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      1•9 months ago

      If you think she doesn’t, you haven’t been paying attention.

  • stinerman
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    34•9 months ago

    To be clear, he doesn’t want to marry his daughter. He wants to fuck her.

    • @Delphia@lemmy.world
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      5•
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      9 months ago

      Great, now he and I have something in common.

      Edit: her looks are about the least offensive thing about her, sorry. The terrible person is pretty hot. If it helps I’ll wipe my dick on the curtains and give her a fake number.

    • @datelmd5sum@lemmy.world
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      2•9 months ago

      what’s stopping him?

      • JaggedRobotPubes
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        15•9 months ago

        His physical strength.

        • @Valmond@lemmy.world
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          4•9 months ago

          Wow that was dark, thanks for the laugh!

      • @acockworkorange@mander.xyz
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        1•9 months ago

        Not her.

  • Queen HawlSera
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    25•9 months ago

    It’s sad that I actually needed to check to see if this was an Onion article or not

    • OneMeaningManyNames
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      5•9 months ago

      Reads the title

      Goes WTF

      Goes back to reread the title in moderate disbelief

      Notices the website is theonion

      Fuck you onion, you almost had me the first time around!

  • @Machinist@lemmy.world
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    12•9 months ago

    Had me for a second until I realized that he wouldn’t know 18th-century law.

  • @CPMSP@midwest.social
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    11•9 months ago

    I mean in his defense… This is an onion article after all. It’s only mostly believable.

  • @betahack@lemmy.world
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    8•9 months ago

    don’t tell him about prima nocta…NO PRIMA NOCTA!!!

  • ohellidk
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    6•9 months ago

    wow, almost had me again!

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