Feel that all dating apps nowadays are an absolute scam so curious if anyone here has actually had any success with dating apps and if so what app what is it?
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I met my fiancé on Tinder during the pandemic. We were within 1km of each other so I thought that counted as the same bubble. Now we are going to get married next year
That’s how I met my girlfriend of almost 4 years
Same for me (met in Aug 2020) but on Hinge, and we just got married.
Pre-pandemic I only dated by meeting women thru friends, so this was all new for me. Hinge worked really well for me, but Bumble and Tinder were nothing but bot matches and women who just 1-word-answered me.
Yes.
Met a partner of ~5 years ok okcupid some years ago.
Met a partner of ~8 years on ok cupid after that.
I get a fair amount of dates on Tinder now, even though I’m getting old and have at least one major deal breaker.
It turns out a lot of people are really bad at using the dating apps. People don’t write anything useful in their bio. They waste their first message with “hey”. When they get a question they dead end it. Like “hey your profile says you love NK jemisen. Have you read her new books?” -> “no”. And then they’re like "why isn’t this working?'. My friends please be better at this.
Tinder still sucks and you can see where they’re putting profit ahead of a good experience, but you have to go where the people are.
So true about the messaging issues. I had one woman get seriously pissed at me for asking a question about one of the interests in her bio. She said something to the effect of “Are you here to interrogate me or what?” I was just trying to start a conversation, but I quickly moved on, she clearly was crazy or stupid.
Probably both.
I disagree with the hey. It depends on the dating app.
If the app confirms that you’re both interested then hey is a bad opening. Okcupid, when I was originally using it, I would read through the profile and tailor a question to them. I found it pointless if they weren’t interested in me. So saying hey acted as a filter to find who would be interested in me.
I can see where you’re coming from.
However! Two counter arguments.
One. Saying “hey” changes their view of you. It’s very possible that opening with “hey” will actually shift their opinion of you towards negative. To me (and friends I’ve talked to) it comes off as very low effort, which is unappealed.
Two. You’re going to need to write a better message anyway. Some people might have success with the “hey” “hey” “how’re you?” “Good u?” flow but I really strongly recommend not doing that. It takes longer, a lot of people dislike it, and you’re going to eventually have to write something better anyway. Opening with a good message saves you time overall.
Sending a good initial message saves you time overall and increases your success rate.
I completely understand and I kind of agree that it’s low effort. However, my experience was that my “high effort messages” received maybe a 1/10th of the responses that got with hey. And then if factor in how many less people I was messaging because I was tailoring it then the amount of interested responses was significantly less.
Again, if it’s an app like tinder where you both have to show interest then I wouldn’t start with hey. Otherwise I view it as just showing interest and then if they respond then I can follow it up with something from their profile.
But I’ve been out of that scene for a decade so I have to imagine with enshitification that online dating is now even worse.
Dating apps work fine if you know how to date. Met my wife on PoF. Never had any issues getting dates on any of the programs and I’m a 5/10 at best.
If you have a very unique profile and provide thoughtful engagement to potential dates, you will find a partner eventually. I know it can feel like a slog sometimes, but it’s still a lot less bullshit than you’d get dating random strangers the old way.
Met my wife on PoF as well about 7 years ago. Definitely a slog but I also now know that at the time I was a walking red flag factory
This!
You get what you put in.
If you made a basic profile and your messages are all “Hi” or “hi, you’re cute”
You’re not getting dates.
If you curate a profile with good content, good photos and send messages that prove that you read their profile you’ll get responses. You’ll never get a message back for every message your send. 10% is a good response rate.
It’s a skill to do all of those things, it’s okay ask for help on those things. Sit down with a trusted friend either a woman that’s of that age, or a man that gets dates from an app.
Then, the next skill is turning messages into meetings IRL.
Then after that is turning dates into a relationship.
Tried all the usual ones and they suck never got a match. Gave a chance to Boo and met my now fiancee on there. It’s a friend’s and dating app. Definitely be truthful about yourself and fill out the information. Worked for me.
I second this, I met my partner on Boo after years of having no success with dating apps, and they’re pretty much the perfect person for me! I feel like one lucky dude right now, honestly, and it’s a feeling I haven’t had in a long time. Funny thing is, I would never have found out about it if I had paid for the ad-free version of Boost, so thanks Rubén lmao
Will see if I can give this app a shot.
Only if Grindr counts as a “dating” app.
Grindr is a dating app for only gay people right?
It’s mostly just for hookups and not actual dating, but yeah.
I had a gay housemate and like every other day he was bringing this random guy to the house who he hooked up with through this app. I was just like damn man! You get so much success with this app lol.
My gf’s roommate was flipping through his phone one night and said “I’m feeling like Indian tonight.”
She said “Oh, get me some chicken biryani!”
He said “Not that kind of Indian” and showed her he was flipping through Grindr
Fucking basically counts as dating
Yes, on OkCupid about ten years ago. Met. My wife that way.
Same. Will be 10 years ago next February that we met. Married for 7. Kids. Etc. Success! Definitely lucky.
I met my wife on POF. Before that, I paid for a a different service and got absolutely no where. Really hope that service is fucking dead.
Ditto, coming on 11 years dating, 7 years married
POF?
Plenty of Fish! Met my now husband of 8 years on there.
That’s awesome! We’re coming up on 10 years.
Facebook Dating is the only one that doesn’t try to sell you premium to do anything all the time. It seems like all the other apps are just out there trying to make money off of you.
I mean, it’s Facebook, they’ve already made their money off of you lol
It’s how I met my wife, 6 years together.
It’s a good way to meet and connect wity people I guess in general. I was far away from home and used it to meet people.
A decade or so ago? Yeah, totally, dating apps worked fine. Recently? No. Everyone wants to sell you something and they can’t do that if you actually meet someone, so it’s just constant “people totally like you, we swear, you just have to pay and we’ll show you who!” and bots. I got messages/intros (where it’s allowed pre-match) because I’m a woman and it’s borderline impossible not to if you have a pulse, but it was mostly from men who were way too old and/or people where the only thing we had in common was geography.
I met my wife on tinder, we were living in two different country 80 km from each other but it worked.
However it was almost a decade ago.
Yeah, they work. To a certain point. Over the last decade or so I got dozens of dates. If you are engaging in conversation, asking interesting questions and are generally nice to talk to (and your profile and picture show this upfront) you can get dates.
But it gets increasingly harder to get matches as a platform gains popularity. Apps usually put newcomers to the top of the stack to make them visible and get them matches. The older your profile, the more profiles are newer then yours and you slowly fall down the stack. When the app grows in size, you are quicker to go down the stack.
In addition to that it seems every app has a certain demographic progression: At first more women use a new app. They don’t get that much matches and are more likely to match. As time goes on this changes, as men are joining and making up 70% of the user base. Now woman are flooded with people wanting to match and you are unlikely to stick out or, what happens more often: people are overwhelmed and just stop interacting.
My extensive use of apps showed me that you can be most successful in fairly new apps. Bumble used to be really awesome until it got popular.
Not me but I have a friend that got married like two years ago now to someone she met on tinder like two or three years prior to that. Apparently, the first date she asked if he was going to kill her if she went in his car.
My other friend is now living with a guy she met on tinder two years ago. He is still saved on my phone as [His name](in case he kills [friend]) from when they went on their first date and she sent me his info in case anything happened.
I’d say that’s some success for relationships and maybe for not getting killed also.
I’ve had next to no luck with the dating apps. I think the longest relationship I got out of them was 2 months, and the majority of conversations ended before ever meeting. The dating app world doesn’t seem to accommodate my kind of person, where I want to get to know a person before we bed each other. It seemed like every match wanted to have a single date that ended in sex. Fuck that.
I met my wife via tinder, way back when that shit was free.
Same
Met my wife on Reddit.
Had about 10-15 dates in a year and a half or so on Tinder beforehand I’d say.
